Monday, May 10, 2010

Ten Ways To Survive A Horror Movie

As you may or may not know, I love horror movies. I love watching them, I love getting scared by them, I love crying over them, everything. So, while I'm by no means a connoisseur nor an expert, I have come up with a list of survival tips. Just a few things that'll help you out if you ever get caught up in a horror movie.



Ten Ways To Survive A Horror Movie

11. Do not read, or play tapes of someone reading, any kind of incantation in any language. You won't like what wakes up. (The Evil Dead; Evil Dead II

10. Don't have sex. Bad guys love to kill you for having sex. (Friday the 13th 2009)

9. Don't do drugs. See above. (Friday the 13th 2009)

8. Don't drink. See #10. (Scream)

7. Don't separate from the pack. You're easier to kill on your own. If you want to live? Stay with the rest of the people. (28 Days Later, Night of the Living Dead)

6. STAY OUT OF THE WOODS.

5. Know your family history and make sure you know if you're adopted or not. (Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers)

4. Don't call the police. Call a psychic, or a survivor of a previous rampage. (Wes Craven's New Nightmare)

3. If you must sleep, sleep in shifts, with no sex.

2. If a place has a reputation for being haunted? DON'T GO IN. (Supernatural, House on Haunted Hill)

1. Avoid the following places like they're pestilence-ridden plague houses:
  • Elm Street
  • Camp Crystal Lake
  • the House on Haunted Hill
  • any big honkin' castles (abandoned or not)
  • army bases (abandoned or not)
  • quiet cabins in the middle of the woods
  • Any place that has an excessive amount of taxidermy animals around

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